Reflections of Me: A Burr in My Saddle
I get burrs in my saddle. They irritate me, until I write them out and take a look at them. Here's one that has been in the news a lot lately. A lot. I mean, a LOT.
Sexual misconduct, Washington and Hollywood-style. Ad infinitum. On the one hand, I am sick of hearing about this. On the other hand, I am not. What I am finding most wrong about this is the dialog itself. It is a dialog we need to have, that is 100% true. But we need to also understand what the problem is, and there seem to be a awful lot of folks who want it to be about the differences in genitalia. That isn't the problem. The problem is in power, perceived or otherwise. For centuries, men have indeed dominated the positions considered powerful, but we have seen that change over the last 50 years. What hasn't changed is the perceived 'rights' that we consider attendant to those positions. The taped statement made by Donald Trump during his campaign time was widely used as a example, but the media latched onto his 'grab 'em by the pussy' remark, rather than the real telling remark. The one where he stated when you are rich and famous you can get by with anything. There is the nutshell. People DO believe that, and believe that is how it should be. No, it shouldn't. And there's your problem. Wealth and fame equal privilege: this philosophy is older than mankind, I think. What we all forget is, you can die just as easily if you have a large amount of wealth, or none at all. We're all equal. Yet, we put those people on a pedestal, one they neither deserve nor have earned. We all need to learn to stop this. It is perfectly okay to admire someone for being good at something, or for their appearance, but, the moment we accept that this entitles them to behave however they wish, that's the moment we need to shake ourselves awake and have this dialog.
We has a lot of learning to do. We are waking. Hopefully, we don't go back to sleep. We can salute the position; let's stop thinking that means we are saluting the person in the position. And if they abuse the position, they can be left out in the cold; they might be able to afford the best steak, but they will eat it alone. While keeping a watchful eye over their shoulder.
It isn't male versus female, or vice versa. It's power, more aptly the abuse of power, and who has it, why they have it, and why so many of us roll over and expose our bellies to those who have it. Old saying: power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Does it seem like mostly males are guilty of this? Yes, but, that is because centuries of social brainwashing have lead to males being most likely to be in those positions. As that changes, does that mean we need to stop worrying about it?
No. All it means is, we must, as a society, put regulations in place that make it much easier to topple the abusers out of those positions. You might feel, to progress in your life, you need the banks. Fine. But never lose track of the fact, the banks need you just as much. You may need that job, and be thankful that large corporation might hire you, but keep track of the fact, without you or others like you, there is no corporation to get rich from. If you're a actor, you may think you need a Harvey Weinstein to back you and promote your career, but keep track of the fact that, if you have the talent, a coalition of backers from your childhood home town can help you produce the venue that could launch your career, or further it. The Harvey Weinsteins of the world need you as much as you need them; your physical being is yours, and the only compromise you need to make is to exchange the best job you can do in return for the backing to do it. Otherwise, he can waddle off and eat his steak all by himself.
Doesn't matter who it is, or what gender they are, or what their sexual preference might be; what matters is how they handle the power and responsibility of the position they are in. Whether it be a President of a Nation, or of a bank; a CEO or a middle manager of a company; a police chief, politician, fire chief, teacher, or leader of a religious congregation; abuse of a position should not be, ever, tolerated with the thought 'Hell, that's just the way it is'. No, it isn't. It is only the 'way it is' if we all accept that it is, and ignore it or invent excuses for it.
Look: we are all, at various points in our lives, going to be offended by something, or someone. We should never let that pass without saying something. It doesn't mean we are crying out for laws to be passed, or regulations to be enforced. All it means is, hey, could you be a little more considerate of other people? We should all understand, being human, we are going to forget ourselves now and then. We do need to be reminded. Mostly, we will be amazed we could have been so thoughtless, and sincerely apologize. And that should, usually,take care of it. Some of us, though, are so far gone that we bristle at being reminded, and we lash out even worse. 'How dare you accuse me of that? Do you know who I am? I could BURY you!'.
My response to that usually is, "Yeah? Okay, come ahead. But you better pack a lunch, or pay someone else to do it for you, cause you'll be here a while.".
When all that was needed was for you, or I, to say "Damn! I am sorry. Sometimes I can be a thoughtless asswipe.". For me, that is enough. Do I figure you will do it again, or will I? Sure, at some point. But, maybe not. If not, good enough. If we do, well, time to bring us down. By whatever means necessary.
Respect. Kindness. Courtesy. Consideration. Basic human traits we all sense are right and proper when we practice them. Well, okay, maybe not ALL. Some have a wire loose here or there; over time, we can recognize them. We can then proceed to isolate them, and remove them; perhaps even fix them. Unless we accept that, well, they have the money and the position, so, we just have to go along.
And we have done exactly that, for at least most of my life at any rate. Growing up, we accepted that Hollywood was filled with degenerate perverts. We even joked about it. We accepted that women in higher level professions had to have 'slept their way' to the top; after all, how else would a woman be in charge of anything? Where were we learning this? From overhearing our elders say the very same things. Yet. Those same elders would send us to school every day, stress the importance of education, and who were our teachers? Mostly women. If our elders received bad reports from those teachers, did they excuse it by saying " Never mind. She's just a woman, probably slept her way into the job."? Nope. If we disobeyed our Mothers at home, did Dads say, 'Hey, no worries; don't mind her, she's just a woman."? Nope. And never once did I ever hear any of us say, "well, Hell; only reason she's our Mom is cause she slept her way into the job."? No...cause we'd have beaten the snot out of whoever said it. But. We accepted that was the case out in the 'world' of business and entertainment. And politics.
And we carried that with us into our adult lives, we males. And many of the females we grew up with did also.
See the problem? I thought that ya might.
That is it, in a nutshell. We accepted that people in power would sometimes engage in conduct we would not accept in our own lives; of course they did. Why else would they hire or promote someone? They EARNED this right. It was Nature's way, after all, right?
Then, some of us actually grew up. Took some of us longer than others, but it happened. Hopefully, I am from the last generation to have this attitude. I can see change happening. Slowly. It is not going to happen overnight. Acceptance now is being recognized as something we should have for ability, talent, intelligence, innovation, without stigma, without caring about who owns what and how much money are they worth. Abuse of power is headed for the scrap heap. Power should lead by example, not by personal whim. Doing what is right, over doing whatever we feel like doing at that moment, is being recognized for it's value. Speaking up, speaking out, exposing the rot underneath the glamor.
It is a discussion we need to have. We need to keep having it. It's about equality, yes. Being treated equally, yes. Given equal opportunity, yes. It is not about a war between genders. Never should have been. It is about respect, kindness, courtesy, and consideration. Regardless of who you are. Yes, there is a difference between men and women, but, it is only physical. We need to stop accepting that as being what it is all about. It's about power, wealth, influence, and position, and the sheer number of people who attain those levels without regard for respect, kindness, courtesy, and consideration. If we can succeed in stopping that, we will have triumphed as human beings.
And...end rant. As usual, if you've read this far, thank you. Obviously, I sometimes get a bit riled up. This is my therapy. If you have read this far, and you think I said anything worthwhile, let me know over at Facebook. Or, here, if you got your Google on.
Sexual misconduct, Washington and Hollywood-style. Ad infinitum. On the one hand, I am sick of hearing about this. On the other hand, I am not. What I am finding most wrong about this is the dialog itself. It is a dialog we need to have, that is 100% true. But we need to also understand what the problem is, and there seem to be a awful lot of folks who want it to be about the differences in genitalia. That isn't the problem. The problem is in power, perceived or otherwise. For centuries, men have indeed dominated the positions considered powerful, but we have seen that change over the last 50 years. What hasn't changed is the perceived 'rights' that we consider attendant to those positions. The taped statement made by Donald Trump during his campaign time was widely used as a example, but the media latched onto his 'grab 'em by the pussy' remark, rather than the real telling remark. The one where he stated when you are rich and famous you can get by with anything. There is the nutshell. People DO believe that, and believe that is how it should be. No, it shouldn't. And there's your problem. Wealth and fame equal privilege: this philosophy is older than mankind, I think. What we all forget is, you can die just as easily if you have a large amount of wealth, or none at all. We're all equal. Yet, we put those people on a pedestal, one they neither deserve nor have earned. We all need to learn to stop this. It is perfectly okay to admire someone for being good at something, or for their appearance, but, the moment we accept that this entitles them to behave however they wish, that's the moment we need to shake ourselves awake and have this dialog.
We has a lot of learning to do. We are waking. Hopefully, we don't go back to sleep. We can salute the position; let's stop thinking that means we are saluting the person in the position. And if they abuse the position, they can be left out in the cold; they might be able to afford the best steak, but they will eat it alone. While keeping a watchful eye over their shoulder.
It isn't male versus female, or vice versa. It's power, more aptly the abuse of power, and who has it, why they have it, and why so many of us roll over and expose our bellies to those who have it. Old saying: power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Does it seem like mostly males are guilty of this? Yes, but, that is because centuries of social brainwashing have lead to males being most likely to be in those positions. As that changes, does that mean we need to stop worrying about it?
No. All it means is, we must, as a society, put regulations in place that make it much easier to topple the abusers out of those positions. You might feel, to progress in your life, you need the banks. Fine. But never lose track of the fact, the banks need you just as much. You may need that job, and be thankful that large corporation might hire you, but keep track of the fact, without you or others like you, there is no corporation to get rich from. If you're a actor, you may think you need a Harvey Weinstein to back you and promote your career, but keep track of the fact that, if you have the talent, a coalition of backers from your childhood home town can help you produce the venue that could launch your career, or further it. The Harvey Weinsteins of the world need you as much as you need them; your physical being is yours, and the only compromise you need to make is to exchange the best job you can do in return for the backing to do it. Otherwise, he can waddle off and eat his steak all by himself.
Doesn't matter who it is, or what gender they are, or what their sexual preference might be; what matters is how they handle the power and responsibility of the position they are in. Whether it be a President of a Nation, or of a bank; a CEO or a middle manager of a company; a police chief, politician, fire chief, teacher, or leader of a religious congregation; abuse of a position should not be, ever, tolerated with the thought 'Hell, that's just the way it is'. No, it isn't. It is only the 'way it is' if we all accept that it is, and ignore it or invent excuses for it.
Look: we are all, at various points in our lives, going to be offended by something, or someone. We should never let that pass without saying something. It doesn't mean we are crying out for laws to be passed, or regulations to be enforced. All it means is, hey, could you be a little more considerate of other people? We should all understand, being human, we are going to forget ourselves now and then. We do need to be reminded. Mostly, we will be amazed we could have been so thoughtless, and sincerely apologize. And that should, usually,take care of it. Some of us, though, are so far gone that we bristle at being reminded, and we lash out even worse. 'How dare you accuse me of that? Do you know who I am? I could BURY you!'.
My response to that usually is, "Yeah? Okay, come ahead. But you better pack a lunch, or pay someone else to do it for you, cause you'll be here a while.".
When all that was needed was for you, or I, to say "Damn! I am sorry. Sometimes I can be a thoughtless asswipe.". For me, that is enough. Do I figure you will do it again, or will I? Sure, at some point. But, maybe not. If not, good enough. If we do, well, time to bring us down. By whatever means necessary.
Respect. Kindness. Courtesy. Consideration. Basic human traits we all sense are right and proper when we practice them. Well, okay, maybe not ALL. Some have a wire loose here or there; over time, we can recognize them. We can then proceed to isolate them, and remove them; perhaps even fix them. Unless we accept that, well, they have the money and the position, so, we just have to go along.
And we have done exactly that, for at least most of my life at any rate. Growing up, we accepted that Hollywood was filled with degenerate perverts. We even joked about it. We accepted that women in higher level professions had to have 'slept their way' to the top; after all, how else would a woman be in charge of anything? Where were we learning this? From overhearing our elders say the very same things. Yet. Those same elders would send us to school every day, stress the importance of education, and who were our teachers? Mostly women. If our elders received bad reports from those teachers, did they excuse it by saying " Never mind. She's just a woman, probably slept her way into the job."? Nope. If we disobeyed our Mothers at home, did Dads say, 'Hey, no worries; don't mind her, she's just a woman."? Nope. And never once did I ever hear any of us say, "well, Hell; only reason she's our Mom is cause she slept her way into the job."? No...cause we'd have beaten the snot out of whoever said it. But. We accepted that was the case out in the 'world' of business and entertainment. And politics.
And we carried that with us into our adult lives, we males. And many of the females we grew up with did also.
See the problem? I thought that ya might.
That is it, in a nutshell. We accepted that people in power would sometimes engage in conduct we would not accept in our own lives; of course they did. Why else would they hire or promote someone? They EARNED this right. It was Nature's way, after all, right?
Then, some of us actually grew up. Took some of us longer than others, but it happened. Hopefully, I am from the last generation to have this attitude. I can see change happening. Slowly. It is not going to happen overnight. Acceptance now is being recognized as something we should have for ability, talent, intelligence, innovation, without stigma, without caring about who owns what and how much money are they worth. Abuse of power is headed for the scrap heap. Power should lead by example, not by personal whim. Doing what is right, over doing whatever we feel like doing at that moment, is being recognized for it's value. Speaking up, speaking out, exposing the rot underneath the glamor.
It is a discussion we need to have. We need to keep having it. It's about equality, yes. Being treated equally, yes. Given equal opportunity, yes. It is not about a war between genders. Never should have been. It is about respect, kindness, courtesy, and consideration. Regardless of who you are. Yes, there is a difference between men and women, but, it is only physical. We need to stop accepting that as being what it is all about. It's about power, wealth, influence, and position, and the sheer number of people who attain those levels without regard for respect, kindness, courtesy, and consideration. If we can succeed in stopping that, we will have triumphed as human beings.
And...end rant. As usual, if you've read this far, thank you. Obviously, I sometimes get a bit riled up. This is my therapy. If you have read this far, and you think I said anything worthwhile, let me know over at Facebook. Or, here, if you got your Google on.
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