Reflections of Me : The National Trust

     Whoa!  The what, you say?  I've heard of that!
     Yes, so have I.  But, you know me by now ; this isn't about that!  Well, okay, it is.  Sort of.  But no, it isn't.  I bet you are thinking I am going to explain that.
     You'd be right.  And here I go : no, this is not about any organization, be it American, Canadian, British, or any land or sea based Nation.  There.  Got that out of the way.
     Trust.  A small word.  Small words are good ; somes is nasty nasty, buts easys to remember, yes they are.  Preciousssss wordses!  Okay, okay, enough Gollum.  Well, what IS trust?  Yeah, yeah, it's a word.  But, what does it define?  Is it a emotion?
     According to Webster, it is:
    

Definition of trust

1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b : one in which confidence is placed

2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

b : reliance on future payment for property (such as merchandise) delivered : credit

• bought furniture on trust

3 a : a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another

b : a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition

4 a : care, custody

• the child committed to her trust

b (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship

(2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another 

     Confidence.  Yes, it is that.  Assured reliance.  A comfort, perhaps?  Assuredly.  So, how -- where -- when do we experience trust?    Who ( or, more properly, whom ) do you trust?  I vaguely recall a old TV show by that name.  Vaguely, because I seldom watched it.  I didn't trust it.

     I imagine most of us first experience trust as children.  We don't know it as that, as it is instinct brought on by reliance on those larger living beings who feed and clean us since we cannot perform those functions yet ourselves.  However, as instinct, it takes little to dissolve it.  Miss a feeding, we are liable to get a bit noisy.  On a regular basis.  The first loss of trust perhaps?

     At some point, it stops being a instinct.  That's where it gets to be fun.  Now, due to a combination of various circumstances, I soon adopted my own theory of trust.  It was as follows :  Trust No One.  Start With Yourself, and Work Out From There.

     Now, I won't say this has always been the most efficient, nor the most popular, way of living one's life.  In fact, not trusting yourself almost seems counter-productive.  One might think, hey, this is the first step to paranoia.  Huh?  You talking to ME?  Wait!  Is that ME talking to me?

     However, no, as long as you don't allow yourself to fall into that trap.  Because, it also involves honesty, and knowing and understanding yourself.  After all, haven't some of your most intelligent and satisfying conversations been with -- yourself?  When making a decision, who are you going to trust?  Well, have a conversation with yourself, and you will soon see : you had best get another opinion.  Especially if you have a volatile temper.  Sure, you can beat yourself up, but, dang, it isn't nearly as much fun, nor as satisfying, and chances are, just like with another person, you'd still end up being wrong.  Even if you are right.

     Which isn't often.

     So, expect to be let down, even by yourself.  It's a learning experience.  It lets you know that, eventually, anyone, even those you believed you trusted, will let you down sometimes.  Including yourself.  It can also teach you what forgiveness is.  After all, the easiest person to forgive, is, yourself.  Am I right?

     Of course I am.  You, in the corner!  Hush!

     If you can't forgive yourself, then, seek professional help.  You suck, man.

     Now, it may seem I am saying, well, if you cannot trust anyone, including yourself, you are missing out on wonderful social opportunities : good friends, love, companionship, even family.  Well, nope, not saying that at all.

     After all, what are some things we automatically trust?  We trust that the sun will always come up tomorrow after setting today.  But, will it?  What if it doesn't?  Are we going to feel betrayed?  Are we going to gather in groups and begin chanting of supernatural forces at work?

     Ok, wait---yeah, we have done that.  Never mind.  As a group, humanity can indeed be that stupid ; we have demonstrated it in the past, and even today, when we logically should know better.  And that may be it.  Logic.  Logic tells you that just because you relied on something 100 times without fail, on the 101st trial, the wheels fell off.  Logic also tells you that it was likely because somebody didn't tighten the lug nuts.  There ya go.  Trust.
     What, then, does it come down to for me?  Acceptance.  Acceptance that none of us are perfect.  Sometimes, even the most sure-handed will drop the ball.  It happens.  Trust is a 'iffy' thing at best ; the best one can do is base it on history.  Instead of trust, make it expectations.  If it has a history of being reliable, then, have a realistic expectation it will continue to be so, but, do not feel betrayed if it fails once in a while.  If it has a history of being unreliable, your expectation should be that it will continue to be unreliable ; but, also, don't be surprised if it sometimes surprises you.
     In the end, though : trust no one.  Start with yourself, and work out from there.  It's good advice.
     Trust me.

     ( I couldn't resist! ).